leomoonwonu | Auber_Gine_Dreams 2020 Commentary

I've stolen this completely from Dia

leeseokmin but hopefully below!! is my 2020 fic commentary!!

commentary on Auber_Gine_Dreams 2020

title: Don’t Look Too Far (JiGyu)

word count: 13155

commentary: I was soooo nervous about this one!! It’s so funny to look back on it now because at the time I didn’t know Hyb as well as I do now and I was so worried she wouldn’t like this T_T Every time I write a Jihoon centric fic the crowd goes wild and I think that’s so neat. Maybe I should write more of him or something. Anyway it’s always nice when I can use my Real Life Job as fic inspo. This was really fun and I enjoyed it immensely!

a line i loved: Taking care of a sick person always comes with a certain level of intimacy. In school, Jihoon and his fellow medical students had to practice closeness exercises, both to get themselves comfortable with being in a patient's personal space and to better understand how a patient is feeling. He holds Mingyu's arm still with one hand and cleans the wound with saline. Mingyu gasps. His legs squeeze Jihoon reflexively. The intimacy is different here, sitting on his bathroom floor. It doesn't feel like Mingyu is his patient at all. Maybe he should have put the white coat back on. Maybe he’d be in the right mindset then.
(For the record in nursing school we actually DID do closeness exercises where we had to stand in each others’ personal space etc etc so!)

title: Starts With a Spark (Jihan)

word count: 16375

commentary: When I got Ayesha for Haggly (Hag Christmas Fic Exchange) it was very much me going insaneeee in the google docs. It’s funny because we talked about this exact premise before Haggly and I just knew exactly how to get her. This fic is like my pride and joy. EYE got ao3 user minhyukwithagun. I don’t think I ever would have had the guts to write something like this without knowing it was a gift for someone and that even if no one else liked it Ayesha would love it. A blast from start to finish.

a line i loved: Jeonghan is slow and careful, meticulous as he cleans away the blood. He wraps dry gauze around his ribs, tight but not constricting. He doesn’t look up into Joshua’s face. It doesn’t make it any less intimate. If anything, it makes Joshua’s chest tighter, some strange kind of longing squeezing tight tight tight around his heart. It’s so hard to separate the two. Pain from pleasure. Desire for approval from desire, plain and naked and raw. Being a worthy student from being worthy of —
Jeonghan’s hands trail over his skin as he lowers his shirt back into place. Heat simmers in Joshua’s stomach, follows the path left by his hands all the way down. Jeonghan meets his eyes and Joshua is almost convinced he can see the same simmering desire behind the walls of mental fortitude Jeonghan has spent his life perfecting.

“You should dodge next time,” Jeonghan says roughly, squeezing Joshua’s waist before dropping his hands. Joshua nods, his entire body in flames.
(I worked so hard to keep the tension as high as possible and remembering it took Ayesha nearly 16 hours to get through this fic, best feeling)

title: Make Up Your Mind Baby (Hyungheon)

word count: 2819

commentary: This was a blast!!! Writing a meta AU like this is something I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m so so glad it got people interested (even if just a little!) about Spy AU. Didi is amazingly talented and she deserved to read a good hyungheon that isn’t ruined by fanon characterization.

a line i loved: “The next scene,” Hyungwon says in explanation. Jooheon is frozen, hands hanging in the air as Hyungwon’s weight against his body finally registers. “I’ve got to patch you up. It’s better if you don’t look like you do right now when we’re filming. Isn’t that what you meant earlier?”
Jooheon stares into Hyungwon’s eyes, watches the way his lip catches on his teeth even as he smirks. It feels a little too much like a challenge.
“And how do I look right now?”
Hyungwon’s eyes flash, warm and dark even in the dimness.
“Like you’re scared.” His eyes trail down Jooheon’s face. “Like you want to kiss me.” Jooheon’s ears burn. Hyungwon’s eyes work back up to his slowly. “It’s good. You’re supposed to want me, even this early in the movie.”
“What about you?” Jooheon asks, breathes it out. “What are you supposed to be feeling right now?”

title: Some Time (No Matter Where) (JunGyu)

word count: 34043

commentary: The labor of love that this fic was! I’m seriously sooo proud of this, I think, BECAUSE I worked my ass off on it. This is my fic with the most comments EVER! Each Mingyu seriously took a chunk out of me. Emotionally it was a lot, and I tell people this in replies all the time but I genuinely DID cry during the last chapter. Part of this was because I wanted to write something good for Len, but I also had this frankly huge and intimidating plot idea and I wanted to do it justice, too. Early on I was crying in Riley’s DMs about how I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but here we are today! My baby!!! A fun tidbit: the first part of this fic that I wrote is actually what I used for the summary!

a line i loved: “I must go now and meet my fate. I will never forget you, Wen Junhui,” Mingyu whispers. His eyes shine with unshed tears. “Though it feels as if I never did. Perhaps in a past life, I made the same promise.”
Junhui bites the inside of his cheek. He cannot cry, not yet. Not when Mingyu is trying so hard to be strong.
In Greece, you called me something my watch couldn’t translate, Junhui wants to say. I still haven’t found out what it means.
(I always intended for the last scene of 1953 Mingyu to be read with “Save Yourself I’ll Hold Them Back”, and the last chapter to be read with “Medicine”)

title: Only Seen a Part of Me (BJYX)

word count: 5217

commentary: So the story behind this fic is that during the entire Haggly process I told Ayesha that I had Riley. Of course she would ask me for snippets etc so imagine me, WRITING A FAKE FIC TO KEEP AYESHA OFF MY TRAIL. Well, that fic became a real fic for Riley’s birthday. It’s always nerve wracking to dive into a new fandom but this went over really well, and Riley loved it so it’s a win win babey!!

a line i loved: There are six long years between them. Two thousand one hundred and ninety days. Xiao Zhan is staring down 30 like a firing squad, and Yibo probably has no memory of starting the new millennium.
(I sure do love reminding myself how old I am!!)

title: Save Your Love (Take Mine From Me) (Woncheol)

word count: 16953

commentary: Collaborating with Hyb has been and continues to be a delight! Having her blessing to play in her sandbox T_T It’s nice that we can do our own thing in a shared universe and it never feels like I’m stepping on her toes. Anyway, this fic just kind of fell into place in our weekend long DM session and I just love how it turned out! Also can you BELIEVE Hyb got me to write someone spitting out come in words! Her power!! Her Impact!! (It’s important, is the thing.)

a line i loved: Love takes many forms, hides in plain sight. Like Jihoon bringing enough food for them to share. Like the post-its with pictures of puppies Sunmi uses only for him. Like an acrylic keychain, worn and cherished and loved. He’s surrounded by so much of it that all he can do is give it back, twice as much as he’s given.

(Skimming this to find a line like GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHEN IT COMES TO WONCHEOL THERE IS SOMETHING WRONGGG WITH ME)

title: The Darkness In Me (Gyuhao/Gyuhaowoo?)

word count: 14974

commentary: I talked about this in the author’s note but this is the first fic that I ever created from a picture. That picture of Mingyu, the black and white one with the camera in his hand. I saw it and I just, CRYSTAL CLEAR, could see him sitting in front of a coffee shop with Minghao walking in front of him. Palo Santo (that’s what this will always be called, to Me) is a little darker and heavier, than things I’ve written before. I really got a Hit of inspiration from the movie A Dark Song, and here we are. There’s a spin-off fic in the works about Wonwoo, who I added because I am who I am and then I made him too sexy and he kind of ran away from me. Anyway I’m really happy with how this turned out!!

a line i loved: Mingyu stares at the headline. He’s been expecting it, of course. In a phone call, maybe, his mother hiring some private investigator to track him down, her voice frail and crackling over the phone. On the news at work, a quick blurb in the entertainment section before the anchors move on to the weekly forecast. He should have known to expect something a little more like this.
The corner of his mouth twitches into a smile, and then a grin. And then he’s laughing, hand across his forehead as he stares into the bright blue sky, pain free and light as air.
He laughs and laughs and laughs.

(Wow I forgot how much I freaking love this fic!!!)

title: Cat Got Your Tongue (Wonhui)

word count: 2167

commentary: Len sent me one of those give me a title and I’ll give you an AU things and I decided to actually write it for her birthday. A great reminder in how to write past tense.

a line i loved: Really, Wonwoo should have expected it. Junhui had always been like this. He was never afraid to admit when he was turned on by something, no matter what it was. Once, Wonwoo accidentally threw on one of Mingyu’s oversized sweaters, and Junhui had been so flustered he pushed Wonwoo into the bathroom and fucked his thighs, pulled the sweater tight to Wonwoo’s body and sucked a mark so dark against his neck that he had to put a bandaid over it for a week just to keep from hearing about it while getting his makeup done.
So Junhui thought the cat ears were sexy. Wonwoo, exhaustion transformed quickly into arousal, could work with that.

title: Work This Something Out (SeokGyu)

word count: 2986

commentary: This began life as a JunGyu fic, but I wanted to write something for Dia’s birthday and it was a pretty easy swap. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know Seokmin this year so big thanks to Dia for that!!

a line i loved: Permission, maybe, was the thing he was missing. He looked down at Seokmin, who smirked up at him like he knew, like he’d read his mind.
“Should have gotten you a leash, too. Maybe you’d listen better if I could make you listen.”
And that was what he needed. The image of Seokmin tugging him around, leashed and collared like some kind of —

title: Find Nothing Good (SeokCheol)

word count: 16203

commentary: What a fun fic this was! Equal parts wanting to do a good job for Dia and being in love with the idea and wanting to do it justice. Dia sent me this poem and it broke my brain, literally I was in a daze from it and a lot of it went into this fic. Dia was really my cheerleader through this whole process T_T Also yet another fic Wonwoo wasn’t supposed to be in but is anyway! This is just who I am!!

a line i loved: Seokmin cannot remember his parents, though he has a picture of them, creased and worn over the years. The corner is so battered he can no longer see his father’s hairstyle. The only thing he recognizes in himself is his mother’s smile. The difference being that hers is radiant, genuine warmth and Seokmin’s is a mask, crafted and honed and always just right for whatever situation he finds himself in.

title: Not With My Heart (Wangxian/Lwj x Jc)

word count: 14026

commentary: This is another fic that I poured a lot of myself into. The thing about MDZS is that I only have like, three things to say. This (The Forbidden Triangle) is one of them. The playlist for this fic hits me like a truck every time I listen to it. Wangji was the easiest POV to write from, and I think that shows in the fic itself, but I’m pleased with how it turned out.

a line i loved: Under a sky darkening with storm clouds, Jiang Cheng buries his face in Wangji’s shoulder, shuddering at the force of his sobs.
“I loved him,” Jiang Cheng murmurs, barely a whisper against the side of his neck. “I loved him, and now I have nothing.”
Wangji looks at their robes tangled beneath him, royal purple and stark white, and wonders which one of them really loved, and which one of them really lost everything.

(Yes it IS always like this for me)

title: You Say It’s Poison (JJP)

word count: 1828

commentary: So, Tokyo Ghoul AU was never really PLANNED to have JJP. It’s just that when I was making pinterest boards it sort of happened. They make a cameo in 717(this is the Woncheol fic), and I knew how I wanted them to be characterized, so it was easy to whip this up for Almay’s birthday. Beltaedly, I DO feel bad I gifted her a fic that’s low key about cannibalism, but what can you do!!

a line i loved: “You’re thinking about something,” he says. “Something nice. Something you like a lot. You always make that face when you pet cats.”
Jaebum doesn’t know how to say, in every version of the future I always see you. You are the only constant, the only thing.
It’s easier to show Jinyoung, anyway.

(Soulmates are real and they could happen to you)

title: Send My Body to Battle (Jihan)

word count: 5188

commentary: It was so nice getting to know E and writing this little fic!! I really enjoyed the angels concept and adding Seungcheol in was a treat just for me! No Wonwoo though aren’t you proud?!? I wrote this as part of my 150 subs fic giveaway and as expected the word count is waaay over what I promised. I’m just glad that E enjoyed it <3

a line i loved: For a Heavenly Blade it is quite simple, more a scimitar than a broad sword, the steel so sharp the lightest touch to the blade will leave a cut. The hilt is inscribed in gold leaf. God’s in his heaven. His fingers brush over the words absently.
(I’m a weeb for life I will never change I will never improve)

title: L. radiata (Woncheol)

word count: 17364

commentary: This idea, as most do, started with me and Ayesha screaming about Tokyo Ghoul. And then we were like what if we made Jihan TG, and that’s how we arrived on 1004, and from there this whole universe just took off! It’s been so much fun collaborating with her. I really had tons of fun writing this fic and I’m enjoying the fics to come! I have a feeling this whole thing is gonna end up well over 100k when it’s all said and done. Anyway, the idea of ghoul Wonwoo just hit me like a sack of potatoes. It’s just so PERFECT and I can’t explain why it just IS! Also CCG Seungcheol! It’s just so good!! This is the first fic I’ve written like, a REAL break up in, and I feel very bad but it’s ok because I already know how it ends (and the world will too, soon!!)

a line i loved: For weeks he dreams of him, sees Wonwoo at the cafe, cup filled with blood instead of coffee, teeth stained red. He sees Wonwoo’s kagune, his armored kakuja, imagines Wonwoo slamming his head into the concrete over and over until he wakes up with a start, breathless and covered in sweat.
He dreams of kissing him, of Wonwoo pinning him to the rough bricks of the dorms, sweet smile and bedroom eyes and on those mornings Seungcheol is breathless for a different reason entirely. He should probably talk to someone about it. The CCG has therapists on retainer, all confidential. He’s got to come to terms with who Wonwoo is, with what he is. It’s hard. It’s harder because he’s not sure that he will ever be able to see Wonwoo as some mindless killing machine.

title: Play Your Games My Way (Seungcheol/Seunghee)

word count: 5161

commentary: So Ayesha literally baited me into doing GG Jukebox and the idea of Honeypots with a History just whacked me over the head. As a simple bisexual, I just think that Seungcheol, known bisexual, can fuck my wife. This ended up a lot longer than I thought it would. It only has 230 hits but you know what, I simply don’t care!!

a line i loved: Seunghee hums, pretending to think it over. She runs her fingers through his hair and he kisses a line up to her cheek. It’s familiar and friendly and even though she’s going to be mad about all the cuddling when the endorphins fade she still basks in it.
“Well, you know I don’t kiss and tell,” she answers. He meets her eyes and she smiles, pulling him into a kiss. When they break apart she finishes, “But just between us. Top three. Easy.”
Seungcheol rolls onto his back with a pleased hum. In some ways he is one of the great loves of her life, but in other ways he’s just a man, putty in her hands with a few nice words and a flash of thigh.

(After skimming the 2020 fics I have realized I have Seungcheol disease. There is something WRONG with me.)

title: In Case I Want It All (WoncheolJun)

word count: 9445

commentary: I’ve had the beginnings of this idea in my wip list for ages now, and Coupfest seemed like the perfect time to write it! Honestly, I do worry sometimes that people might think I can only write one thing (or I’m only GOOD at writing one thing), so this was also a way to do something a little different from my usual. It was a lot of fun and I learned a lot, too! Once again I gave Wonwoo tattoos and made him sexy and we all just have to deal with that.

a line i loved: Love is a lot like flowers. Different shapes, different scents, different preferences, but always, always beautiful.

title: All the Things I’m Thinking (Jihan)

word count: 2395

commentary: Baby’s first ficmix! I have a lot to say about Bleak Boyband Bingo, and I plan to. In the meantime, this was a fun little warm up. Pea was so nice about it too i’m very happy they liked what I did with their fic T_T It’s a short one, but I’m really pleased with it. Honestly this fic has some of my favorite lines of the year.

a line i loved: They pass each other around like bottles of soju, hidden under beds at first, frowned upon and out of sight, but then later out in the open. Everything means something when it’s on camera, every look, every touch analyzed frame by frame. There are rules to this like there are rules for everything. Not too much, not too often, and nothing serious outside of their dorms. There is a line they are expected to stay behind, but they all become experts at pushing their luck.
Seungcheol kisses Jeonghan with a lazy, careful urgency. Seungcheol does everything like it’s the last time he will ever get to, hands hot where they slide in the dip between his hip bones, Jeonghan palming him over his shorts.
Over the years, it is under blankets that Jeonghan learns them. The secrets they share with each other become their own kind of currency. It’s different with Joshua. It always has been. When Jeonghan sees Joshua backed against the mirror of the practice room, Seungcheol’s lips sliding down his neck, Jeonghan learns that there is something hungry and clawed inside of him. You cannot possess people, but that doesn’t make him want it any less.
He is careful with it in public, almost certain it can’t be pinpointed on camera, but sometimes his hands find Joshua and he cannot make himself let go.

title: Mountain/Star (Sanhwa)

word count: 11226

commentary: Yet another idea birthed in Ayesha’s DMs. Omega Seonghwa, Alpha San, and then I was like what if I did arranged marriage but make it a/b/o? So I did. I really enjoyed writing for Ateez and I have two fics in the works right now for them! I’ve always wanted to write something like this, so it was nice to give it a shot!! I think the me of 2018/2019 would FREAK OUT at how much I’ve written omegaverse, but it turns out that I can make it just the way I want it when I write it! I feel like that’s the overall message of all my omegaverse fic. This is the way it’s always been, but we can be better. And I try to make my characters show that, too.

a line i loved: San like mountain, immovable. San like umbrella, a shelter. Seonghwa wonders which San he will marry.

(Are you obsessed with Hanja or are you normal)

title: Stag/Quiver (JJP)

word count: 3003

commentary: I can’t explain how this happened. I binged Hannibal, like ATE IT so fast. And honestly I’m not really interested in reading fic for it? Hannigram is fine I just like the Vibes more. So that’s how we ended up here. Jinyoung Will Jaebum Hannibal and my brain put into a high speed blender. This is extremely self indulgent but I’m not sorry. I do a Halloween fic every year and this was so fun!! The fact that Siken has a poem called The Stag and The Quiver just...well, it’s leesabait is what it is.

a line i loved: “It would never be enough to eat you, Jinyoung, do you know that?” And he nods, because he does know. It’s something he came to understand when Jaebum’s knife ripped through his abdomen and they fell into an embrace, Jaebum cradling his body as life left him. Jaebum works his hips faster, arching his back. He looks sculpted in the moonlight, each muscle tenderly created. He’s beautiful. “I don’t want something so singular.”
Jinyoung is so close he can taste it. He snaps his hips up hard enough that Jaebum has to grip his shoulder, then he does it again. His breath shudders out of him.
“I want to consume you.” Jaebum moans, his chest flushed pink. “And you want to consume me.”

(The convergence here is soulmates, if you were wondering)

title: Learn a Little Bit More (BJYX)

word count: 1166

commentary: Literally Riley said “write me xz gets a bj” and I said ok. And now we have some horrible BJYX series.

a line i loved: There’s a surprising lack of weight next to him, and the first thing that worms his way into his sleep fogged brain is that he had been dreaming. Yibo’s soft lips and gentle hands and the unrivaled happiness, like fizzy lemon soda in his chest had all been a sleep deprived fantasy.
(Wheeew the Doukyuusei reference!!)

Fics I plan to post by the end of 2020

title/concept: 1004

pairing: Jihan

epigraph/snippet: Start by wiping the blood off of his chin and
pretending to understand...
When is a monster not a monster?
Oh, when you love it.

additional notes: The continuation of Tokyo Ghoul verse coming to an ao3 near you hopefully very soon! I have about 4 scenes left of this to write!

title/concept: Nearly Witches (Hybday)

pairing/fandom: Woosanhwa

epigraph/snippet: “You filthy, awful wretch.” San keeps his eyes locked with Seonghwa. “You’re stuck with me. Or has that not sunken in yet? Is anyone looking for you? Does a single person even care that you’re here?” Seonghwa’s eyes seem to widen at that. Good. San hopes it hurts. “Now answer me.”

Seonghwa stares at him, unblinking, for a long time. San is about to give up, lock the door and go back to his room, when he finally nods his head.

additional notes: Hyb gave me laundry list of things she wanted to see in a Woosanhwa fic and I said ok bet. It’s been great talking this out with her, and I just hope the final product does it justice <3

title/concept: Holding Out (Holding On)

pairing/fandom: Woosanhwa

epigraph/snippet: Kissing Wooyoung is the kind of good that hurts, the perfect recipe for addiction. Kissing Seonghwa isn’t like that. They aren’t putting on a performance, not even when he pretended to kiss him like Wooyoung.

additional notes: This was originally a Taeil/Ji Hansol fic that I have completely revamped. It’s not that I don’t want to write Taeil it’s more like I’m currently in Woosanhwa hell.

title/concept: Haggly 2020: The Remix

pairing/fandom: Extremely Redacted

epigraph/snippet: you wish i would give you this info

additional notes: other than telling you it exists, I cannot tell you anything else.