2021 Fic Commentary

[leomoonwonu]

 it's that time of year again!!

commentary on Auber_Gine_Dreams 2021

 

I will also be including fics from the end of 2020 :D

 

 

 

title: Leave No Trace Behind (Honggu)

word count: 6050

commentary: I didn’t set out to write this, but I got a really nice comment on Cherry Wine, and well, it just kind of flew out of me. Idolverse is something I really enjoy writing and reading. I know it’s not for everyone, and maybe it’s just a product of where I started in kpop fandom, but one of the best comments I’ve ever received was “this feels like canon to me.” I always like idolverse fics that feel real, that really blur the line between and fill in the gaps in a way that feels true. In some ways, I don’t really feel like I know Pentagon well enough to write an idolverse like that, but I tried very hard here. I think between Cherry Wine and this I’ve managed to nail down the Honggu thesis pretty well. 

 

a line i loved:  Changgu is 20 years old and he still doesn’t know what he should tell fans and what he should keep to himself, what means something and what means something. 

And it does mean something, though he isn’t ready to talk about why. Spending time with Hongseok is for him, but showing off their friendship is something the fans like to see. The lines are blurring. Personal and professional. It’s hard to find the balance even though it was so clear when he was a trainee. Like his hometown covered in fog, familiar but disorienting.

 

 

 

 

title: They Call You Angel (Jihan)

word count: 21223

commentary: The entirety of this AU began here, with ghoul Jeonghan. The absolute crystal clear vision of him. This was the first thing I ever commissioned art for. Collaborating is always a blast! This was no exception! The enemies to lovers dynamic in this is just so!!!!!! As Yves Olade so eloquently said “you are something awful, but I’m keeping you anyway.” This was months of screaming culminated into a fic that I think is really nice! I think the interweaving timelines of this series really add to the whole AU T_T I’m really proud of the work we’ve put into this so far!! Reading this back to find a line, I’m actually kind of proud of how the tone and my….banter...turned out. Genuinely I can’t believe I wrote this?!?!? There’s just sooo much work put in. The symbolic removal of the trench coat!! GOD!!

 

a line i loved: The word goes rough in his mouth. Break, like a wild animal that needs to be tamed. Break, like bones under teeth.

 

 

 

 

 

title: Nearly Witches (Woosanhwa)

word count: 17678

commentary: This started life as one of those silly send me a fic title and i’ll write a fic to go with it things. It was originally cast as Wonwoo/Jihoon with Jun in the role of Seonghwa (also the original plot did not have one of them temporarily dying). There was a lot of DM screaming involved in crafting this, and I’m really proud of how it turned out. I feel like my last stretches of 2020 fics were really, kind of good actually T_T In the wake of The Awful Song everything feels like The Awful Song. This was my first time writing about infidelity in any form. I really did my best to make the progression of time, and the feeling developing between San and Seonghwa feel believable. 

 

a line i loved:  Apology feels shallow, here. San wonders if he could survive what Seonghwa has lived through. But maybe he is. Wooyoung is gone and San is still here, still living even though he feels like shattered glass most days.

 

 

 

 

title: Lions in the Sand (Gyuaho)

word count: 6594

commentary: The Rileesa origin story IS Forever Younger Growing Older. Due to time constraints (read: pinch hitting 2 other fics), I had to cut a part of this fic that was going to be EXTREMELY self indulgent. I had originally planned to have Mingyu and Jaehyun (and later Seokmin) do the entire Jackie, Me, and This Lady tour (why yes this IS a Throam reference surprise). Honestly, even without time constraints I may have left it as a little blurb anyway. It would have been for my benefit and not really added anything to plot overall. Anyway, I knew right away this was the fic I was going to remix. And I knew I wanted to do the Vegas bit, which Riley laid out in FYGO. The title is from Ryan Ross’s Livejournal (I quoted it as the epigraph). Like if you expected me to write a fic in the 70s and not just, throam out i don’t know what to tell you. I have Mingyu misremember the name of Ryan’s band in Throam (which first is The Followers, and later is Ryan Ross and the Whiskeys). Oh here’s another one [“On a train from Omaha to Denver.” Junhui smiles and turns back to the front.] SO THIS IS A REFERENCE TO THE FIRST TIME THAT RYAN REALIZES HE LOVES BRENDON IN THROAM GOD I HAVE A REAL DISEASE.

 

a line i loved:  In stories like these it’s never really the ending that’s important. It’s not the beginning either. It’s the forgettable, unimportant details in the middle. Like the way Minghao’s skin glitters in the Los Angeles sun, the way he glows in the bright Vegas lights.

 

 

 

 

title: We Belong, We Collide  (Joshgyu)

word count: 3230

commentary: Witcher Mingyu was also an immediate yes. Honestly, I was a little terrified to go into Pyro. It’s perfect and I didn’t want to mess with things too much T_T I think the most purposeful Ayesha-getting moment was making Jeonghan taunt Mingyu about fucking someone before seeing him, and the reader knowing that it was Joshua. I simply had to add it!! My bf helped with this fic in the sense that I showed him the map from the game and said hey do you think a witcher could go from here to here on horseback in this many days? And he was like yeah. 

 

a line i loved: Jeonghan rolls his eyes and stares down at the rings on his finger. “I would rather walk into the forest and let a werewolf eat me than find out what witch hunter you let pin you to the bed.”

Mingyu doesn’t reply. There’s nothing for him to say, and he has the strangest feeling he shouldn’t tell Jeonghan about Joshua. His instincts, honed from years of training, from mutations and magic and spells carved into his very bones, have never been wrong.

 

 

 

 

title: Will You/Won’t You (Meanie)

word count: 4873

commentary: I think Meanie is a ship that has a bad reputation because it’s big and lots of people write it. The core of Meanie, to me, is that these are two people who care about each other very much, who irritate each other sometimes to the point of being very visibly mad at each other, but who still inevitably come back together over and over. The Woncheol thesis is also buried in here, too. Anyway, Seungcheol get along dick is also real and it could happen to you.

a line i loved: If you make a home inside of someone, what happens to it after you leave?

He falls asleep before he can think about the answer.

 

 

 

 

title: Call Me Anything You Want (Woncheol)

word count: 7030

commentary: This is literally my bf’s fault. He finally sat me down to watch both Deadpool movies. This was soooo tonally different from anything I’ve written before. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it! I had been asked before in a CC if I had ever written Seungcheol as bad, and well, I this is a good start! Spideypool Woncheol is something that can be so personal T__T 

 

a line i loved: So, maybe the whole Wonwoo being Spider Man thing isn’t so bad. Can the power of love turn Deadpool into a hero full time? Well, Seungcheol doesn’t mind if Wonwoo tries. 

He’s just not going to make promises he can’t keep.

 

 

 

 

title: Relax a Bit (BJYX)

word count: 1863

commentary: sometimes your friend gives you a list of the top Things That Get Them, and sometimes you use that to your advantage to write a little birthday fic. Technically there is an overarching storyline to this whole AU. Will I ever write more? Who knows! She might be short but she did the job!!

 

a line i loved: It’s always like this between them, so it’s no surprise when Xiao Zhan smirks and shakes his head. His fingers toy idly with the hair at the nape of Yibo’s neck.

“Prove me wrong, then,” he says. 

Shut up. Make me.

Okay. He can do that.

 

 

 

title: Just the Worst Kind (JJP)

word count: 4757

commentary: sometimes you see a twitter post about Vassalord and you say oh my god what a Delightful concept to sneak into a fic. Well, not the entire premise, but the “I only drink blood from the vampire who made me” part. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got jjp casting all wrong, that it’s Jaebum who would always be the one hunting down Jinyoung. But when I sit down and really think about it, I can’t imagine Jaebum as Will Graham, and I can’t imagine Jaebum in Jinyoung’s role in this. I think that, while Jinyoung has always been waiting for Jaebum (and not necessarily patiently), Jaebum has slowly, carefully come to the realization that they’re married all on his own.  I guess I’ll just be wrong forever </3

a line i loved:  Jinyoung’s entire life is framed around hunting, a family affair. He got his first execution kit on his fifth birthday, the smooth wood of the stake huge in his small hand. He couldn’t wait to grow up. Jinyoung was a hunter and with the snap of a finger, the puff of air that extinguishes a candle, he was not anymore. 

“You’ll give me your heart, then?” Jinyoung asks, barely a whisper. “Right out of your chest?”

“Are you saying you still want to kill me?” Jaebum’s eyes simmer. His fingers trail up Jinyoung’s skin. “Are you saying you want a piece of me with you, always?”

 

 

 

 

title: Worship(Ab Imo Pectore) (Wonhui)

word count: 13145

commentary: God. Olymfics. The second the song list dropped I had to do this. I think I would have arrived at the same plot without reading tgcf, but like...I think it’s better BECAUSE i read tgcf. Tonally, this is darker than my usual. I really wanted to dig into the idea of blind devotion to corruption. That Junhui is not a “good” god but Wonwoo worships him anyway. It was really fun. I MEAN IS THE MUSIC VIDEO NOT JUST THIS?!?! But I will uh, never do olymfics again (or any fest that isn’t run by someone I personally know, but that’s another story). As someone who grew up in the bible belt, I have a really complicated relationship with religion, so it’s always fun when I can explore that a bit. The playlist is one of my favorites too T_T OH! So fun tidbit, for the section breaks in chapter one i used 天 which is the character for heaven, and for chapter 2 i used 腐 which has a few meanings, but it’s basically like to decay/corrupt/rot (it’s also the fu in fujoshi)

 

a line i loved: “When a God falls, what do they become?” Minghao whispers. Fear trickles icy down Wonwoo’s spine. 

 

“What God?” Wonwoo asks, still groggy but waking up at an alarming speed. “What are you talking about?”

 

 

 

 

title: Let the Earth Cover Me (CheolJihan)

word count: 16259

Commentary: This also started life as a send me a fic title fic. But other than adjusting a bit of the plot, this has largely stayed the same. There were a lot of times when I was working on this that I wanted to give up. It was HARD to balance the three POVs, to keep track of who knew what and when and why, and what the motivations were for each prince. I’m satisfied with it <3

 

a line i loved: After, in a tangle of limbs on the bed, Joshua stares up at the ceiling. He should feel...something. Things are different, now. Two men in his bed. Secrets shared. Secrets kept. 

Instead he feels blissfully free.

He never meant to fall in love with Jeonghan. To think he’d let himself do it all over again.

 

 

 

 

title: Boys Club (Wonhan)

word count: 3228

commentary: See, Doukyuusei is the best Boys Love to ever be made. It is an hour long and it is just!!! The fizzy lemon soda of first love!!! The manga is so cute and so funny and so sweet I genuinely have seen this movie more than any other. All this to say, when Almay sent me a tweet showing Jeonghan as Kusakabe and Wonwoo as Sajou I took that personally. I snuck a lot of canon lines in here. I’m not sorry <3 

 

a line i loved: “You overheard, right? Seungcheol and I dated in high school, but I don’t have any interest in getting back together with him.” Jeonghan’s hands find their way to Wonwoo’s shoulders. “You see, there’s someone that I like.”

Wearing the same uniform and the same shoes, Wonwoo thinks dizzily. Sitting in the same class. Born in— 

“Oh?” he manages to choke out. 

“He’s a little quiet, but he’s charming once you get to know him. Very smart. Hot, too, even though he wears glasses.”

 

 

 

 

title: Dripping Like That (WonuTaeyong)

word count: 4408

commentary: Sometimes you loop GTA for an hour in your good headphones and you go into a trance and you emerge with What if Wonwoo was a monster hunter and a monster fucker. As the creator of Wonutaeyong, I very purposefully try to alternate who is topping and bottoming every time. Imagine that you post your debut fic to ao3 only to later see a tweet that says “wow how can this pairing exist when they’re both bottoms”. I am fueled by spite so BET! Anyway this was fun and I think I’ll probably come back to the wonwoo fucking monsters idea at some point. 

 

a line i loved: It’s hard to say when it started. Wonwoo can’t remember now. Somewhere between Soonyoung’s forced retirement and picking up a new informant at Jihoon’s insistence, Wonwoo started sleeping with monsters. It’s not an exaggeration in the slightest, not some euphemism for bad people. Real monsters. First was Junhui, a Fae prince who bit him so hard when he came he still has the scar from it. Wonwoo pays him a visit any time he’s passing through. Before this, it was a pretty blonde succubus who called herself Soyeon, though they both knew it wasn’t her real name. Men and women and monsters. It feels irredeemable.

 

 

 

 

 

title: Call Me When You Need (Hyunjjp)

word count: 3592

commentary: So last year I got an anon CC that basically said I was weird and gross for being [cash register] years old and writing fic about Ateez. It was a one off, but I’m always worried it will happen again. Basically what I’m saying is I didn’t think I would write fic for any other 4th gen group (little did I know...ha ha). I didn’t want to deal with the possibility of getting more comments. I did, however, want to write this fic. For a long time I considered keeping it among friends. Then I was just like whatever, fuck it. If your kpop boy is old enough to buy me a drink in the united states I think I can write a silly little fanned fiction about him. It’s just that Hyunjin fucking Jinyoung is something that can be so all consuming. It’s all about “I wanna fuck the ones I envy.” 

 

a line i loved: Jinyoung is not sure when he finally admitted it to himself, but Jaebum was certainly aware of it long before him.

“He likes you,” Jaebum says one night, straddling Jinyoung on their couch.

“He looks up to me,” Jinyoung counters, breath hitching when Jaebum settles his weight against him. 

“He wants to sleep with you.” Jaebum’s nose traces a line up his neck. “He wants to fuck you so bad, Jinyoungie.”

 

 

 

 

title: Pack it Up and Start Again (Triple H/HongguHui)

word count: 7925

commentary: Honggu fucking the sadness out of Hui. That’s literally how this started. I can’t really say if his is the perfect idolverse fic, but I tried very hard to keep things accurate. As a huidawn truther I had a lot to say in here. Sometimes Jeremy McKinnon saying I just wanna go home can make your brain turn to melted ice cream in real time. I wasn’t sure I was going to finish this fic in time, but stressful life things always end up manifesting abundant leesa fic. The hits on this are pretty abysmal but it’s fine! I write things because I want to write them! I caught a terrible Hui disease writing this.

 

a line i loved: “You can say that you miss him, hyung,” Changgu says softly. Hui’s head snaps up, their eyes locked. Maybe Changgu is more tired than he realizes, but he can’t take it back now. “You don’t have to be okay all the time.”

“I’m fine,” Hui says, fast and automatic. His eyes are a little like a frightened animal. Like if Changgu gets too close he might bite. “Really.”

Changgu sighs and nods, dropping the subject. It takes a few minutes for Hui to settle back against him. There’s comfort in the solid weight of him. Changgu hopes it’s the same for him. The movie has nearly lulled Changgu to sleep by the time Hui says anything.

“Being seen,” he says, so softly Changgu almost doesn’t hear him. “Being understood. I never felt like I had to hide anything from him.” He moves his head off Changgu’s shoulder but he stays close. “That’s what I miss the most.”

 

 

 

 

 

title: Selfish/Sorry (Jeongcheol/Woncheol)

word count: 5352

commentary: Me: I can’t do any more fests. Also me: I’m going to write two fics for emofest. This is, I think, a love letter to Seungcheol. Maybe this is very Gemini Venus of me to say, but I think that when you can fall in love with anyone, when in some ways platonic love and romantic love feel like the same thing, the difference comes down to selfishness. There is everyone else, and then there is you. Seungcheol’s big heart and the way he has learned over time what kind of leader he wants to be, how to love so many people all at once, how to be just a little bit selfish. Once again this is the Idolverse stuff I really enjoy writing and reading!! Me and William Beckett go way back I simply had to write a fic for The Academy Is. The might be my most well received fic of the year <3

 

a line i loved: The first time Seungcheol kisses Jeonghan it’s so quick it hardly seems to count. They’ve made it out of the green room and into a simple practice room with plain white walls and light wood floors, but the mirror fogs just as heavily as the old one. Seungcheol’s hand leaves a print behind when he steps back. It’s a simple press of lips but it hits Seungcheol where he’s tender. Jeonghan tucks his hair behind his ear and his eyes are bright, a pleased smirk on his mouth. 

The second time Seungcheol kisses Jeonghan it’s in one of the small bedrooms in their dorm, the door hastily closed but still cracked open. Jeonghan smells like Mingyu’s body wash and tastes like the mint toothpaste Jisoo uses. It’s a little more real, Jeonghan’s hands toying with his hair, their tongues gliding together. Seungcheol thinks about telling Jeonghan that he likes him for the first time when they separate. 

He thinks about how he’s been trying to say it all this time, the messages tucked away for company approval but easy enough to spot for anyone looking. Seungcheol is nineteen years old and he kisses Jeonghan and the weight of it on his chest is like drowning. 

All of these things are a metaphor that Seungcheol only understands later.

 

 

 

 

title: Holding Out (Holding On) (Woosanhwa)

word count: 17529

commentary: This fic has been rotting in my WIPs since 2019. Originally, this is a Johnil fic, where Seonghwa is Ji Hansol. It would not have ended as an OT3. It was surprisingly easy to convert this to Woosanhwa!! About….10k of this fic was already written. It was nice to get it out in the world. She went through a lot of editing but!!! I’m just so pleased! As an emo kid I think it’s only right that I write a silly little scene band fic. Has it been done a million times? Yes. Will i do it again? Probably!

 

a line i loved: “Yeah,” Seonghwa murmurs, “Last time it was like this.” His hand comes up to cup San’s cheek and he presses their lips together. The kiss is warm and Seonghwa’s lips have a lingering sweetness from the whiskey. It’s over in an instant, barely a kiss at all before he pulls back, pupils wide. His chews on his lower lip. “But tonight it was like this.”

This time, Seonghwa kisses him and it’s a little more frantic, hard and insistent. A lot like how San felt when he kissed Wooyoung. San makes a small sound and Seonghwa shudders against him. That, too, is the same, an echo of Wooyoung. Like Seonghwa really saw everything that happened between them and is matching it perfectly.

 

 

 

 

 

title: Tonight Belongs To... (SunJuKyuNyu)

word count: 6040

commentary: I never thought I would end up here. Genuinely. In fact, I still kind of can’t believe I’m here at all. The thesis in here writes itself. Changmin, insane. Chanhee, a bad bitch. Sunwoo, horrible demon. Juyeon, marriage. My original plan for this fic was something a little darker, but as with most things I didn’t want to tag for it, so I scrapped the plan and did this! The idea of Juyeon being in love with monsters is just...well have you seen him?!!? What wouldn’t he do to be married?! It was fun to learn the 4pick this way. There were a lot of fun ideas that in some ways I wish I could have expanded on. Chanhee’s super sensitive hearing leading to some sort of “training” to make Juyeon’s heart beat softer. Do i know what that is? No <3 but i think it’s a neat idea!

As the title says “You can fight this all you want, but tonight belongs to me.”

 

a line i loved: Juyeon is not a vampire and he doesn’t want to be. What’s so hard to understand about that? People have told him that he’s different for most of his life, not like a lie but more like there are always things about him people only notice when it’s too late. He didn’t know what Changmin was the first time they met, but he knew Changmin was a monster, someone most people would take one look at and cross the street to avoid. 

Juyeon has never been afraid of monsters.

Changmin takes him home and he sinks his fangs into Juyeon’s neck and it feels like the first time someone has really seen all the way inside of him. He doesn’t worry about Changmin draining the life from him, about the way his vision goes dark and hazy at the edges. He wakes up in an empty bed, sunlight streaming in through the curtains. There is a coffin tucked discreetly into the corner of the room. Juyeon doesn’t really mind. 

Juyeon is a man in love. If his boyfriend and their boyfriend need fresh blood to survive, why would he not help them get it?

 

 

 

 

title: Slept So Long (Hyunchanlix)

word count: 1778

commentary: I can’t remember at what point Hyunjin Lestat was spoken into the world, but Eye certainly haven’t been able to let it go. The Vampires Chronicals was my first vampire experience (followed shortly after by Anita Blake). While I’ve never re-read them, I do think the vision holds. If I had more time, I could have really fleshed this out more, but I think just a taste of the idea is good enough for now. What if instead of a kid, Lestat and Louis had a lover? Way better!

a line i loved: Later, Hyunjin licks the blood from Felix’s mouth, carries him into bed while Felix’s blood destroys the humanity inside of Chan. He kisses the back of his knee with reverence. He swallows his cock while the sounds Felix makes carry out into the night.

“You are so beautiful,” Hyunjin gasps when he slides inside. “You are who you were always meant to be.” 

Felix’s hand tangles in his hair, their bodies moving together while Chan lets out a wretched scream in the other room. Life and death. There is something almost poetic about it.

 

 

 

 

 

title: Fighting the Light (JJP)

word count: 1681

commentary: I was driving to work on Halloween. My commute is always through this cemetery that is split on either side of the road, and maybe that’s what got me. I kept thinking about how the veil between life and death is thinner. This kind of sprung out of me. I think i wrote it in like 2 hours. It’s a little sad but it’s the most tender JJP I’ve ever written T_T And I guess, for the haters, Jaebum is the one chasing this time. I wonder how many times i will write my way around grief. 

a line i loved: For a while they lose themselves to each other, Jaebum’s face buried in the crook of Jinyoung’s neck, Jinyoung’s hands splayed across his back. Sweat and heat and the way Jinyoung’s body is like the answer to a question, the inevitable conclusion. The place that Jaebum can’t help but come back to, over and over. 

“Will you still visit me when I’m an old man?” Jaebum asks later, positions reversed, Jinyoung’s hand slick around his cock. 

Will you still love me, Jaebum thinks but doesn’t say.

 

 

 

 

title: The Last Thing (Woncheol)

word count: 5529

commentary: It’s legal to remix your own fic, actually <3 In a perfect world this fits between my own fic and a gift I was given that no longer exists. This is a prequel of sorts to the Joseon era chapter of Some Time(No Matter Where). Woncheol always comes so easily to me. I worry that Wonwoo and Mingyu’s feelings are confusing or just somehow don’t make sense, but that’s also how I think they really feel. So. I guess it turned out how I wanted it to <3

a line i loved: Mingyu’s hand catches his after Wonwoo shuts the door to his chambers. 

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Mingyu asks. 

There is an emotion in his voice that Wonwoo refuses to acknowledge. “No. Does it seem like I’m keeping something from you?”

Mingyu’s eyes stay locked with his for a long time. Their hands are still tangled together, warm and familiar. 

“It was a lot easier to tell when we were children.”

He wants to say, there are things I can never tell you. I could love him almost as much as I love you. 

Improper. Impractical. But that is the truth. 

Mingyu lets go of his hand.

 

(I’m doing two for this one)

“I have more,” Seungcheol continues. “Scars. A soldier without scars is either a god or a coward. I’m afraid I am neither.”

Wonwoo moves to his abdomen. Seungcheol hisses when Wonwoo’s fingers trace over the wound. He murmurs a quick apology, applies the treatment and winds fresh cloth around him. Like this, Wonwoo is close enough to feel the heat radiating from his skin. Not fever, no. Seungcheol is always warm, like the sun is inside of him. Maybe he is more god than he realizes.

 

 

 

Fics I plan to post by the end of 2021

 

title/concept: White Noise 3

pairing: WoncheolJun/Wonwoo x [redacted]

epigraph/snippet: It went by quickly, Wonwoo and Joshua rolling their eyes as the other two men talked through the missing lycanthropes, the unrest in the pack. They liked each other. Platonic or romantic or something between. The force between them was magnetic even before they added magic. 

Wonwoo hoped that Joshua could find peace with it. Jeonghan would stay just as he was for the rest of time, would always be connected to a man he was fated to be with in some way or another. Could anyone make peace with that?

 

 

additional notes:  I’m trying very hard to devote my attention to the White Noise installment. So unless something really grips me and I have to write it, there might be nothing else I write or post the rest of the year. The thing about long fic that I kind of forgot is it very much feels like I’m writing something pointless. I don’t know. I’ve been in such a weird place with my writing this year. Anyway, end of the year review coming some time next month!