leomoonwonu | 2023 Commentary

commentary on Auber_Gine_Dreams 2023

title: The Lights We Chase (Hyunjjp/Hyunlix)

word count: 9824

commentary: Much like Think I Know Better, this fic was born in the DMs with Iris and I had to write it in some form or another. I got a really nice comment from ao3 user Jaqofspades I’ll quote here: “There's such an amazing sense of a very specific time of life here; that precipice between the past and the future, and how sometimes you really need to step over it, and decide to grow up?” I promise the idea for this fic didn’t start as a coming of age story, but I’m really happy with the final product. I think it’s really honest and vulnerable. Haven’t we all sat there a little disillusioned after the thing we’ve wanted for so long didn’t make us feel the way we thought it would?

a line i loved:
“Don’t you want me, hyung?”
It’s supposed to be sexy. He’s thought about this moment more times than he can count. He’s practiced it in the mirror, the pout of his lips, the heat in his eyes. But here, the words sound small and brittle and leave Hyunjin feeling empty.
Jinyoung’s hand is gentle on his face. It's like Jaebum but worse. Like Hyunjin is choking on every emotion he has ever felt. He needs Jinyoung to want him. He is terrified of Jinyoung wanting him. Every nerve ending is firing. There is so much of Jinyoung to see, to touch, if he's allowed.
“I still can’t decide what would be more cruel. Fucking you or never fucking you.”
“I know what this is,” Hyunjin says. He fights the need to press against Jinyoung’s hand. “I’m fine with it. Just, please.”

title: In the Heat, It Searched For You (Woncheol)

word count: 1393

commentary: So I read Bones and All. I’ve also seen the movie (and own it) but that was after I wrote this. I also just watched a video essay about cannibalism in media so my brain is really just a swarm of bees right now. This was a 17hols prompt that literally said Woncheol Bones and All and like what was I supposed to do NOT WRITE IT? There are things about the book I wish the movie had kept, like the identity of Sully or Maren keeping souvenirs of the people she’s eaten, but honestly both versions of the story are good. One of the differences in the book and movie is also that Maren (Wonwoo, in the fic’s case) eats people who are attracted to her. And like what a fun take on puberty and sexual attraction right. What if you ate the first boy who kissed you? What if you were afraid to feel anything for anyone because you didn’t know if you could control yourself? Sorry for talking about love as consumption it will happen again.

a line i loved: He wants Seungcheol and he wants to eat Seungcheol. Wonwoo tastes the salt of his own tears when they kiss, hands roaming over Seungcheol’s body with every type of hunger.
He’s not sure how far they get by the end. Wonwoo tastes blood. Seungcheol doesn’t scream. The only sounds are the pounding of his heart, the rush of the ocean. Bones against teeth.

title: Reflect in Me (Jeongcheolchan)

word count: 9058

commentary: Incredibly long overdue fic that I’ve finally finally finished. I think part of what made this fic challenging was that I didn’t really understand Chan at first. He’s always been a bit of an enigma to me, and it took me a while to figure out what kind of story I wanted to tell. As always my favorite thing about writing omegaverse is non-traditional dynamics and just, playing with the idea of what is “normal” in this trope. One of the spin-offs from here is that Wonwoo and Chan have a thing for a while before he gets with Seungcheol, and….maybe Chan and Soonyoung end up as a thing? Iris and I have batted so many ideas back and forth it’s hard to remember what’s actually “canon” anymore ;;;;;;

a line i loved: He still wants to bite something. He imagines the taste of Seungcheol’s skin between his teeth, the way Seungcheol would arch up to meet his mouth. Alpha, Alpha, please.

Maybe that’s the part that never goes away. Chan fucks Seungcheol, both of them working together to hit him right where he wants it. The urge to come and the urge to bite mix together into something he can only describe as Alpha. ((this too is about consumption))

title: Bite the Hand (8Jun)

word count: 15252

commentary: This fic is maybe the one I’m the least proud of, and part of that definitely stems from how much I struggled writing it. Like every time I get a comment on this I’m certain someone is going to tell me how badly it’s written. It was actually really cathartic to finish this fic. My parts of the series are all done! How bittersweet! The thing about Kaneki and Hide is that they should be in love but they aren’t because Kaneki is straight. So I fixed it. I also didn’t let Jun eat Minghao’s face so you’re all welcome. Yixing as Arima has always been my vision, and while I hate that in the end he wasn’t human at all, I decided to keep true to the manga. In re-reading this fic, I realized that all of the major CCG characters (except Sunmi I guess) ended up with a ghoul. The good news is that in the Honggu fic, that doesn’t happen! Wow what do you know another auberginedreams fic about love as consumption.

a line i loved: “I don’t want to hurt you.” Junhui looks down at Minghao and his heart slams against his ribs. “I’m stronger than I used to be.”
“Is that supposed to scare me?” Minghao’s hands wind around his neck, his half hard cock brushing against Junhui’s hip. “I’m not afraid of you, Wen Junhui. I would let you do anything to me. I’d let you —”
“Okay,” Junhui rushes out. He knows what Minghao is going to say. He can hear the words hovering between them, raising goosebumps all over his body. I’d let you —
It feels like an omen. He cannot bear to hear it spoken, like once the words are out they will come true. How could they ever come true?
I’d let you —

title: Lilies (Hyunlix)

word count: 2450

commentary: This was something I like, said to Ham, and then decided I did need to write it actually. Not that I think the lights we chase is incomplete, just that I wanted Hyunlix to have some tenderness. Also, because I am who I am, bottoming as tenderness and marriage (and being mad that Felix is usually the bottom in Hyunlix). Also once again huge thank you to Miss Ethel Cain for writing Lilies she really gets it so much.

a line i loved: Hyunjin thought about fucking Felix until his bed frame cracked, about sucking on Felix’s fingers until he gagged, about Felix bending him over the couch and fucking him until he cried.
He didn’t really imagine it would be like this. That’s all.

title: As Long As It Takes (Jeongchan)

word count: 3403

commentary: When I opened this google doc, I said to myself let’s write an Underworld AU. This is….not really that, but I think spiritually it is. This I think is the aspect of Chan that I understand the best, or at least the thing I project onto every maknae I like, which is “you made me like this.” Is this partially a corruption thing? Dont worry about it! Is this a “I’m gonna grow up big and strong to fuck my shizun” thing? Dont worry about it! I haven't done a vampire/werewolf fic quite like this one so it was a lot of fun!

a line i loved: There are periods of time that humans try to describe as precious. Golden years. Golden days. Vampires have those, though time moves differently. Sometimes, they are so fleeting it feels like a blink.
Like waking up from a dream into a nightmare.

title: A Place in the Dark (Wonhao)

word count: 5573

commentary: So I watched Yellowjackets. Like honestly that’s it that’s the commentary. Wonwoo Natalie Mingyu Travis was like, immediately my vision. I think Minghao Lottie fit well in the sense that there is always something a little supernatural to me about Mighao. The rest of the cast I filled in with just vibes and a whim. Of course, the Meanie lake scene is just A house in Nebraska. I saw a tumblr post comparing characters/ships to Ethel Cain songs and the op said house in Nebraska was for TaiVan and I respectfully disagree. “And it hurts to miss you but it’s worse to know that I’m the reason you won’t come home” and you’re telling me that’s not Natalie Travis?!!??

This fic was just a blast to write. I love love love writing stuff like this. It was super fun keeping true to the show, and to my personal theories about how much of an unreliable narrator the girls are compared to the “true events” we see as the past plays out. I’ve never really written a Wonhao and now i have!!

a line i loved: In the universe where Wonwoo can tell the truth, this is what he says to his therapist. He remembers running through the snow. He remembers the howls and shrieks of his friends. The loud thunk of a few knives hitting the trees he was in front of just seconds before.

He remembers being hunted. He doesn’t remember why he’s not dead.

He remembers the taste of meat, barely cooked but hot enough that it burns his tongue. He remembers blood staining his fingernails for days, after.

He remembers saying thank you, and I’m sorry.

“Why were you sorry?” she would ask him. “Didn’t it keep you alive?”

“Eating him?”

See, he does remember. She doesn’t call him out for lying. She just shakes her head.

“The wilderness.”

title: Feel the Heat On Me (Woosanhwa)

word count: 8729

commentary: So I got into live action BL this year, more specifically Thai BL. The idea for a Woosan BL au floated around my group chat for a while, and got worse after I watched Love in the Air (Cancer men are real [Boss] and can happen to you). Ham helped me a ton with this fic and I am so grateful to them for their phD in BLology. So, like, to me, this is an OffGunTay fic, where San is Off, Wooyoung is Gun, and Seonghwa is Tay Tawan. Either you get it or you don’t. Ham has shown me the light on this thesis and this is my take on it, except in BL fandom you can’t write rpf of the actors or you’re a sicko so….

a line i loved: San buries his face in Wooyoung’s shoulder. He has just enough space to whisper in San’s ear.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

San’s rhythm falters. The director doesn’t stop them. Good. Wooyoung’s mouth is hidden from the camera, but he flutters his lashes, drags his nails lightly down San’s back.

“Y-you.”

Well, that’s a first. Wooyoung nips at San’s ear, earning a shiver. It’s kind of sweet that he’s this engrossed in the scene.

“It wouldn’t be like this if we were really fucking.”

title: Taken with the Tide (Honggu)

word count: 2154

commentary: Sometimes you just write something silly <3 if you know you know

a line i loved: Instead, it’s Hongseok’s mouth crashing into his. He tastes like booze and cigarettes and salt. Changgu licks the taste out of his mouth, winding his arms around Hongseok’s neck and pressing their bodies as close as he can.

How long has Hongseok wanted to do this? It’s hard to tell with him. Maybe he decided just now, no secret feelings or deep meaning. Maybe he just wants to. Or maybe it's been longer than he wants to admit, even to himself.

So, I’m writing for anime now. Here’s the fics I’ve done so far :)

title: What I Can’t Have (ZoroNami)

word count: 2369

commentary: So I watched the live action One Piece. I went into it expecting to be gotten by Zosan, and then I was presented a huge massive awful Zoro Nami problem. So like, I had to write it. Never in a million billion years did I expect to publish one piece fic. I’ve had this ao3 account set up to write things you wouldn’t even believe but not for ONE PIECE SLKDFJDSLKFJ anyway here we are. I said what if Zoro and Nami fucked one time and never talked about it again and I meant that.

a line i loved: She aches. There are parts of her that have been carved out, hollow places that will never be filled again. Is that what Zoro feels? Are they both hollow, lonely people craving something they’ve never really had?

Isn’t that how they ended up under the light and warmth of Luffy in the first place?

title: Alpha Dog (Zosan)

word count: 1884

commentary: Zosan are the ultimate rivals who fuck dynamic. It turns out that makes it really hard to get them to have sex. I’ve always personally felt I struggle to write banter, but I think this turned out really well! Plus several people have told me my characterization is good!! That’s a win baby!!!

a line i loved: “How long have you wanted to do this?” Zoro asks against his mouth.

His fingers have already started working Sanji’s pants open.

“I’m not giving you my secrets,” Sanji says. He presses a kiss to the corner of Zoro’s mouth. It feels demeaning. “This is about making you beg.”

“Are you really saying you don’t want it?” Zoro presses his hand into Sanji’s half hard dick. He smirks. “Or are you always like this?”

“I didn’t think you’d talk this much,” he counters, pressing into Zoro’s hand. “Have you ever talked this much?”

“Then shut me up.”

When i first typed this up, I was very uh….mean. to myself. I’m trying not to do that. I’m happy with the fics I’ve written this year. My output slowing down doesn’t mean I’m not writing things worth reading, or things I’m not happy with. Not to mention that overall, readership and engagement is the lowest I’ve ever seen it. I write when it’s fun to do, and that’s enough.